So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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