Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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