Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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