I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize