We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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