I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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