I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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