Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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