I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize