She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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