2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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