guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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