Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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