why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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