I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize