I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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