Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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