I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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