Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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