literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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