Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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