I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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