We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize