Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize