I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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