I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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