You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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