I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize