i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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