Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You don't make any sense
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