Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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