is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize