Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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