dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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