babies were throwing up all over the place
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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