my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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