A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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