I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize