I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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