And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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