I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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