one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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