Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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