I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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