I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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