I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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