my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize