So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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