i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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