youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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